Thursday, October 24, 2013

me and my friggin' roommate write something cool together.

when I pooped in my own butt, things started feeling weird…
covered in grey shapes, scary things in the mirror.
they hit a dumpster.
they wanted to know if they only deserved garbage.
only ate garbage.
only slept on garbage.
only loved garbage.
being what it would.
knowing how it would be.
trying to not be made being seem normal.
but it was normal.
ice cream.
ice cream.
ice cream looking like garbage
the only reason to eat ice cream.
it was a weird color.
the color of a lightning storm.
the storm overcame an initial ‘hoopla’.
soon the popularity contest blew over.
blowing someone in a pile of garbage.
sensual sense.
garbage sense..
cabbage cents.
sources seem scantily clad.
I wanted some skin to show
sunshine, take me in.
darkness, take a loop.

grey day, take a toad.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

friggin' comedy is no longer a big friggin' deal.

last night, i did a 'stand up comedy' routine. 

i drank 47 beers and was sweating from my armpits a lot, so i'm sure that all translated well.

here's one thing i read:

i'll never forget you, teenage goth girl
if I was best friends with a teenage goth girl…

I would finally be able to relate to someone.

she would know me in a way that that nobody else did.

my best friend teenage goth girl is my spirit animal.

we would get dropped off at the mall, and we would walk around while we were pouting.

we would walk around and feel disappointed in  everything.

we would sit alone, together, in the food court.

people would misunderstand us.

we would consolidate our black clothes.

I would impress her by slamming my bedroom door when my mom told me dinner was ready.

we wouldn’t wear trench coats.

we would listen to siousxxxxxe and the banshees together.

we would day dream about our tombstones resting next to each other.

mine reading ‘quothe the raven.’

hers, ‘nevermore.’

we would go to cvs, and put matching black lipsticks in our pockets.

the cvs security guard would stop us at the door.

escort us to the back of the store.

point to us on the surveillance video, stealing our black lipsticks.

 while I silently wept into my $25.99 black lace veil, the cvs security guard called my best friend teenage goth girl’s single mom.

2 hours later, I would watch her get thrown into the back of her mom’s minivan.
virgina slim in hand, waving at me, as she said, ‘see what happens when you wanna look like fucking freaks’.

I would never see my best friend again.

Friday, October 18, 2013

wait...what? presents: sad sad sad fest

this friggin' month we're going to the friggin' car wash.

november 7th is the first official day of fun fun fun fest. 
come to sad sad sad fest.
it's at the self serve car wash on MLK and AIRPORT BLVD.
and it starts at 6:30pm.
and the following beautiful babies will be reading:

andrew hilbert
cheryl couture
michael davidson
johnny pitt
joseph green
no glykon
lizzy yzzil
alicia fyne

beers will be offered for $1 (quarters or tokens only)

please bring a flashlight

come early to wash your car and figure out what sad sad sad fest it's all about.

Monday, October 14, 2013

no frig biggin' deal




The couch smelled weird.

‘I mean, does everyone have to smoke weed to ‘deal with it?’'

‘I like smoking weed because it’s making me stupid.’

‘The idea of making yourself stupid on purpose is funny.’

Air is weird.

‘I feel like a joke someone made about Eddie Vedder writing ‘pro-life’ on his arm on MTV.’

‘I wonder if anybody else thinks it’s funny that i’m smoking weed at 6:57 am, in my car, on the way to work, in the same way that I do.’

‘I guess ‘I hate myself’ is a funny joke.’

The car smelled weird.

‘Weed makes me feel awkward in a way that if I didn’t feel awkward, I would feel weird for not feeling awkward.’

‘Is it funny that I’m always uncomfortable? I think that’s funny.

‘I think it’s funny to not care about anything.

‘Is it fucked up that I don’t want any children?’

Kids are fucked up.

‘I want to give my parents a million dollars.’

‘Would that make them happy?’

I want to be a window.

‘Is everything weird when you smoke weed?’

'‘Is everything weed?’ is funny.’

‘Everything is weird right?’



Saturday, October 12, 2013

no friggin' free bird.


if i was a mountain, i would hope that  you would be a million insects.

i want to sit on a bench and yell.

i want you to lean in, very close to me, and tell me what outer space is, as if i didn’t know what outer space was.


i made my bed today.

i bought myself flowers.

i want to feel golden.

i want to yell ‘I’M GOLDEN’.

i want to sit on a bench and yell at a passing bus.


i want to stare at a bowl of spaghetti with someone and tell them how good i feel.

i can only see you when i’m standing in the bathroom and you’re behind me.

sometimes, i see you right there.

standing by the door, in the bathroom.

sometimes, you’re. right. there.

sometimes i don’t want anything.
sometimes i want everything.
sometimes i don’t want anything.
sometimes i want everything.
sometimes i want nothing.
sometimes i want nothing.
i want you.
i want you.
i want you.
i want you.


Friday, October 11, 2013

no friggin' bird deal

here's another poem i wrote that i like in a way that is the standard amount of like to determine that you like something.


jamba juice
‘Is it weird that I used to love you?’

‘I think it’s weird that when I look at you, I don’t think ‘I love you’’.

‘Is that weird?’

I started saying our names over and over again until they rhymed.

 ‘When I’m nervous I fake a yawn.’

‘I feel most confident when I’m chewing gum.’

I still want you to think about me in a way that makes your head tilt to the side, and your eyes water up, and 
when you see me, I’m moving in slow motion, and I’m laughing and it’s fuzzy all around me.

When I saw you, I started laughing and moving in slow motion.

‘I always hope there’s something stuck in my teeth, because then things would make sense.’

‘I don’t make eye contact as a way of making eye contact.’

I made sure to make sure I didn’t look at you when I thought that you were looking at me, but when I looked, you weren’t looking at me and I can’t tell if that makes me feel empty or satisfied.

I don’t want you to love me, but I want you to remember that you loved me when you look or don’t look at me.

‘I always step on garbage on purpose when I’m walking to work.’

Look at how much fun I’m having. Are you looking at how much fun I’m having? Are you having as much fun as I’m having when you look at how much fun I’m having?

‘Do I have low self esteem? Am I an egomaniac?’

‘I think it’s weird that people act like pennies don’t really matter. Is science the opposite of that?’

I want to say hi to a million people when you’re looking at me. I want you to see me saying hi to a million people. 

I want you to know that if I wanted to, I could say hi to a million people.

‘I said hi to someone once and they just walked past me.’

I want to make sure you to see me leave first. I want you to think I have to go.

‘I should probably go.’

‘Wait, so, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown yesterday, so I called in sick to work and drove to a jamba juice. I parked in front of a jamba juice, rolled all my windows up and cried for an hour. Then I yelled for a half hour. Then I thought about how I feel like I only exist when my brain stops working, and then I laughed for a half hour. Bye.’

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

no big friggin' deals

i read too. so here's something by me. 


When I smoked a cigarette earlier today, I felt dumb. But I feel like everything I do is just really dumb.

She wondered what it would feel like being on a hot air balloon ride.

She thought about this one time she saw hot air balloons in the sky on a postcard when she was at some generic gift shop on a generic family summer vacation. She thought about how any activity that can be displayed on a post card, advertising the appeal of a place was probably boring in real, non-postcard life.

‘If someone mailed me a post card with hot air balloons on it, I would feel indifferent towards them.’

‘I think I’d only want to be on a hot air balloon ride for like 3 minutes. Maybe 4.’

‘I was just really scared of a bee. I swatted it away because it was in my way, and then I was really scared of it.’

Her hands looked really fucked up. They were hard and crooked and wrinkled. They were peeling and cut up. All the cracks were well defined. She lit a cigarette.

‘I feel like I would know what feeling respected felt like if everyone just left me alone.’

‘I want to sit in the direct sunlight for 10 minutes, 3 times a day.’

‘I want to sit down.’

She thought about someone, somewhere saying, ‘I want Direct TV’ and felt weird about that happening.

‘I called this lady at work that reminded me of my mom ‘dude’ and felt uncomfortable for 5 minutes.’

She thought about her life being 5 minute intervals of feeling uncomfortable.

She thought about people that referred to themselves as depressed and laughed.

‘’I’m depressed’ sounds so silly. ‘I’m depressed.’’

‘I mean, I’m depressed.’

‘Yea, so am I.’

She thought about people who liked to go skiing. She wondered if anyone’s been depressed while they were on 
their vacation, skiing.

‘So, why can’t we smoke on airplanes?’

‘I would tell people that they couldn’t smoke on an airplane during a conversation, and consider that ‘relating’.’

She thought about mailing everyone she knew a postcard that just said ‘bye’.

She wondered if everyone would think she was depressed if she did that.


no big friggin' deal

'wait...what?' gets maximum baja blastage and is in bed by 10 pm.

on september blahblahblah, i held a reading at taco bell.

8 beautiful babies.
10 baja blasts.
12 airplane sized bottles of rum.

this. is. what. happened.

(turn up for lizzy&joseph&demonicbear)

here's some more good friggin' baby stuff from the friggin' babies

-amy saul-zerby

is not forgetting
all the stupid fucking inside jokes
you made up together
the second worst part
is everything else.

-no glykon


As part of a bare, unsubstantial reality near priced-out, annihilated, fenced-off blocks of red earth waiting for development, while slowly walking the ghostly, numberless, all-embracing maze of alleys and streets, dirt and gravel and pavement, in abandoned, idle obscurity, standing inside a whispered, formless instance, thinking enormous, hazy thoughts of all the thoughts that could be outside her perspective, she gazes at her feet.

-unisa asokan
'A psychological thriller based on a dream of a film about vampires that soak blood through their skins in baths of blood, a concert promoter who is possessed by the devil, a stripper haunted by her own reality, and and other demons who interact in a web of the web while engaging the reader to listen'

-joseph green

You take the long odds
on a featherweight with
smooth ears
and bad teeth
from South Texas
because you read him say something about
in some 
sporting journal
and when he goes down 
in the eighth 
you don’t feel cheated because
it doesn't change a thing
about what he said
and really
that’s all you were betting on

to begin with

lizzy yzzil