THE FOLLOWING IS BASED ON TRUE EVENTS.
DEAL WITH IT.
I MEAN, OR DON'T.
IT'S REALLY UP TO YOU, I GUESS.
‘Is it weird that I used to love you?’
‘I think it’s weird that when I look at you, I don’t think ‘I love you’’.
‘Is that weird?’
I started saying our names over and over again until they rhymed.
‘When I’m nervous I fake a yawn.’
‘I feel most confident when I’m chewing gum.’
I still want you to think about me in a way that makes your head tilt to the side, and your eyes water up, and
when you see me, I’m moving in slow motion, and I’m laughing and it’s fuzzy all around me.
When I saw you, I started laughing and moving in slow motion.
‘I always hope there’s something stuck in my teeth, because then things would make sense.’
‘I don’t make eye contact as a way of making eye contact.’
I made sure to make sure I didn’t look at you when I thought that you were looking at me, but when I looked, you weren’t looking at me and I can’t tell if that makes me feel empty or satisfied.
I don’t want you to love me, but I want you to remember that you loved me when you look or don’t look at me.
‘I always step on garbage on purpose when I’m walking to work.’
Look at how much fun I’m having. Are you looking at how much fun I’m having? Are you having as much fun as I’m having when you look at how much fun I’m having?
‘Do I have low self esteem? Am I an egomaniac?’
‘I think it’s weird that people act like pennies don’t really matter. Is science the opposite of that?’
I want to say hi to a million people when you’re looking at me. I want you to see me saying hi to a million people.
I want you to know that if I wanted to, I could say hi to a million people.
‘I said hi to someone once and they just walked past me.’
I want to make sure you to see me leave first. I want you to think I have to go.
‘I should probably go.’
‘Wait, so, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown yesterday, so I called in sick to work and drove to a jamba juice. I parked in front of a jamba juice, rolled all my windows up and cried for an hour. Then I yelled for a half hour. Then I thought about how I feel like I only exist when my brain stops working, and then I laughed for a half hour. Bye.’