friggin' comedy is no longer a big friggin' deal.

last night, i did a 'stand up comedy' routine. 

i drank 47 beers and was sweating from my armpits a lot, so i'm sure that all translated well.

here's one thing i read:

i'll never forget you, teenage goth girl

if I was best friends with a teenage goth girl…

I would finally be able to relate to someone.

she would know me in a way that that nobody else did.

my best friend teenage goth girl is my spirit animal.

we would get dropped off at the mall, and we would walk around while we were pouting.

we would walk around and feel disappointed in  everything.

we would sit alone, together, in the food court.

people would misunderstand us.

we would consolidate our black clothes.

I would impress her by slamming my bedroom door when my mom told me dinner was ready.

we wouldn’t wear trench coats.

we would listen to siousxxxxxe and the banshees together.

we would day dream about our tombstones resting next to each other.

mine reading ‘quothe the raven.’

hers, ‘nevermore.’

we would go to cvs, and put matching black lipsticks in our pockets.

the cvs security guard would stop us at the door.

escort us to the back of the store.

point to us on the surveillance video, stealing our black lipsticks.

 while I silently wept into my $25.99 black lace veil, the cvs security guard called my best friend teenage goth girl’s single mom.

2 hours later, I would watch her get thrown into the back of her mom’s minivan.

virgina slim in hand, waving at me, as she said, ‘see what happens when you wanna look like fucking freaks’.

I would never see my best friend again.